Sunday, July 25, 2010

Patience…yes I really am praying for it!

Yesterday as I was mulling around in my bored melancholy, I came up with a mental picture of how I feel right now.  I feel as if I am spinning my tires in a swamp of mud going nowhere, but I refuse to take my foot off the gas.  Why is that, is it really what God wants for me to be doing to try and get out myself?  Or should I let my foot off the gas and see what happens.  It didn’t feel like either answer was the right one, so I slept on it.  This morning my pastor continued his series on Galatians, it is titled Pressures Off (fitting huh!!).  Something he said was like one of those aha moments, and I realized duh, I shouldn't be driving at all!! 

One of the areas I keep trying to take the lead on is my finances.  I have done a horrible job with my money in the past and while God has taught me how to not make money and things my idol, there are consequences to my actions nonetheless.  I have wracked my brain for months trying to come up with a solution to make some extra money, to put towards bills or even go out for a movie, to no avail.  I am still trapped in the same stinking mud puddle and there is no way for me to get out quickly.  This is killing me, I feel like God has this life for me that if I had wizened up about my finances sooner I would be on my way already.  But no, I had to be my stubborn old self and refuse to listen to that small voice.  Oh if only…

So what do I do now, except fall on my knees and wait patiently at the foot of the cross for Him to move.  I know that He will, and I trust that He will, I am just tired of waiting.  I am an action girl, I am a get out there and get it done.  Which is probably why God is making me wait, so that I know beyond a doubt it is Him.  Lord I pray for your patience that through me you will move  mountains.

Friday, July 23, 2010

What a Week

To say this was a horrible week wouldn’t be the truth, because God is good and in the midst of the turmoil there was joy.  But it was a week that I soon want to forget!  I work for a company that is truly blessed by God and we are very aware of why our company is successful.  However, this week felt like we were the Israelites, lost in the desert (you know He is there but beyond that knowledge you are fighting for proof!).  Not only had we been cursed by a downturn in business, but it seemed everything was falling apart around us. 

The worst part was one of my co-workers was struggling with his computer and we had a hired a company, to remain nameless, to fix our computers.  After 6 days he was frustrated and his temper took over.  This co-worker, works upstairs and I shouldn’t be able to hear him.  However, I could hear the obscenities being screamed into the phone and things being slammed around.  I quickly reverted back to my marriage and immediately shut down emotionally.  This made the rest of my life unbearable, I wanted to curl up into a ball and never go back to work.  The ramifications of his anger began to spread through the office, until me and the shop manager were getting into it.  By the end of the day, I had nothing left.  Thankfully I was meeting a good friend for some fun and she quickly cheered me up.

Today the same thing happened with the co-worker and while I was on my walk at lunch I began to ponder my own anger.  I have a temper and I do my best to control it and as far as I know I have never yelled at anyone like that(well maybe that one time).  But boy have I wanted to!  So why would a person let their anger control them like that?  I am hypocritical to even ask.  Even though I don’t say those things, I think them and I am sure my looks can say them.  So how do I change this, or am I destined to always struggle?

Sorry I don’t have the answer…just laying it out here.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

That Ache

I feel so trapped, lost in a sea of emptiness.

Aching for more than I am.

Knowing I am made for greatness,

Yet lost in the pain of who I am.

You created me for more, to live in the court of my King.

But the chains of this world wrap round me, and tie down my wings.

I long for the day when you speak, and my chains are finally gone.

I’ll soar on these wings of freedom and no longer ache to be more.

Saturday, July 3, 2010

Sadness for my Freedom

There is a sadness in my heart this year as I celebrate our freedom.  I have struggled all week with what it is and this is the only thing I can think of.  I am saddened at the reality that the freedom we celebrate this weekend may soon no longer be our reality.  I sit back and I watch the politics in Washington and in this state I live in controlled by liberals and I am appalled.  I read about my brother’s and sisters in other countries, who are driven from their homes, beaten, raped and murdered; just for believing in Christ, not even preaching His name.  And then I read of a man in Michigan who is arrested, yes arrested, at a Muslim meeting for talking to Muslims about Christ.  And I weep in side.

But really I do nothing, and I feel so helpless.  I can vote in November, but truly how many people have seen the truth and will empty the House and Senate of the traitors that are there.  What can we do to stop the hemorrhage of our freedoms, signed away by our very President.  Than I open the Bible and I read of the great nation of Israel, who turned to other God’s and allowed other religions to infiltrate their own.  And God’s anger burned against them.  Some days I feel like Moses, begging for God not to destroy but knowing in my heart that we deserve it.  For centuries, we have sat back, complacent in our churches allowing the minority of our country to silently take our freedoms away.  No longer can a teacher (the modern day parent) speak to kids about right and wrong, less it lead to the bible.  No longer can our children open the day with our Pledge of allegiance, without being in fear of ‘hurting someone's feelings’, and no longer can we speak to our neighbor about the freedom of Christ without fear or reprisal that will go unpunished.

Ugh, I feel so helpless, and know not what to do, but to spend this weekend in prayer.  So whether you go to a parade, or spend time with friends and families, I ask that this weekend that we all go to our knees and thank the True God for our freedoms and unashamedly beg Him to save our nation so that we can continue to minister to the world.