Anger or Fear

Wow I am angry and I have been for a while.  Usually it takes a lot to set me off or even get me mad.  But, for the past several days the littlest things have made me see red.  I have tried the usual solution to solving my anger (talking to God).  But I cant seem to quiet the rage long enough to hear Him answer.  I go to my knees to talk to Him but it isn't out of a desire to hear Him but desperation for the anger to go away. 

For weeks this fire has been smoldering but the incident at Ft. Hood last week has set the timber to blaze.  Usually when I am upset I can cope by journaling, talking to a friend, or going for a run.  Today I went for a walk and while I was ranting and raving about what I was mad about, I heard this tiny voice ask me “so what are you scared of?”  This just made me more angry, ‘me scared you have got to be kidding me, I am one tough cookie what could I possibly be scared of’.  But as I thought about this some more I reluctantly admitted, I am scared, actually I’m terrified.  Each day, I read the news, or hear something on the radio about our country and the decisions our government is making on my behalf.  I hate what I see going on around me.  Young girls told its ok to use their bodies as sex objects and if you happen to create a life in the process just get rid of it.  A generation that feels they are entitled to a life of luxury and shouldn't have to work for it (and yes I am included in that generation-just ask my parents).  A couple weeks ago I was ready to charge into the world as if I was chasing a lion and had the power to take it.  Today that lion stopped and turned and I forgot how big my God is.  I feel like I am standing in a burning building screaming “fire, fire” and people look at me like I have lost my mind and continue running in. 

So what my anger or my fear boils down to is I have asked God what He wants for my life and He is answering.  I know that God has a plan for my life and that each day is another building block in what He is doing, but sometimes I want to be a spoiled child and give His gift back.  Throw a tantrum and say this isn't what I asked for and kick and scream till He gives me that life I have always wished for.  But that is not what being a lion chaser means.   A lion chaser doesn't stop chasing the lion because it sees him coming.  Just a a Christian doesn't stop doing what God has called them to because Satan finally took noticed.  So what do I do when I want the best that God has for my life but I see the costs laid out before me.

PRAY…and picture His hands and the holes in them.  He may ask of me, but it is nothing in comparison to what He did for me.