Tomorrow I turn 35! I am more excited about this birthday than any so far! It is hard to explain but there is a sense of freedom in my 35th year. Freedom from goals of the heart, that I really had no control over.
My 25th birthday was the worst birthday of my life. I had just become a police officer, broken up with my boyfriend and decided to drink my self senseless. Honestly I don’t even remember the night, just that I was miserable and I wanted it all to go away. I was devastated that a quarter of my life was gone, I was divorced and hated myself. That year I started seeing a counselor and realized that I was partly depressed because I had always dreamed I would be married at least by 25. So she told me to set a more realistic goal.
So I decided (once again there is that phrase), that in a perfect world I would be married at 30 and have children by 35. So this summer as the days passed, I began to grow more and more despondent and I didn’t know why. Then this dawned on me that once again I had not reached my goal.
Here is where the story changes and God shows me what a new creation I am in Him! I turned to Him in my agony and cried out why am I still alone!?!? With a smile on his face that stretched from ear to ear, He simply said “isn’t it great!” I was heartbroken, and whispered, “Lord I thought you loved me?” With more compassion than my statement deserved, He wrapped me in His arms and whispered, “from here on out, all this is left is My will, yours is no longer in the way”.
I cried into His arms for a while. As that comment sank into my heart, the most amazing feeling of freedom and love rushed into the agonies place. I no longer have to worry about trying to achieve my goals! The only thing left for me to focus on is His will for my life!
I CAN’T WAIT TO SEE WHAT HE DOES!!