Today has been one of those days.
I had a great run yesterday morning and again today. As I got to work my mind decided I was going to be hungry all day. Truth be told I was hungrier yesterday than I have been today. But all morning, my mind has gone over and over ways to get extra food. I even planned on going to Fred Meyers at lunch to get something additional (unhealthy of course), as I always do when this fear overwhelms me.
But as I warmed up my lunch the Spirit finally got through!
'Wait, I'm not hungry?'
I was hungry, ready for lunch of course. But I was not ravenous.
Then it dawned on me; I'm not afraid of going hungry, I just hate the feeling of being hungry.
Do I hear you say “but it is the same thing”? Not for me it isn’t. I remember what that hollow emptiness feels like as you try to make it through class in the afternoon. I remember trying to go to sleep as hunger gnawed at my insides. Oh yes, I remember what that hollow pit, and I will do anything to avoid it.
So I overeat.
I ALWAYS have food on me. I
It overwhelms me if I don’t. This fear, gnawing at my insides. Anything is better than that hollow pain…right?
This chain of fear is wrapped around my throat cutting off all oxygen and sanity. Yet I am choosing to believe that I can overcome this fear as long as I have Him. So instead of racing to Freddie's I am on my knees, begging the Spirit to fill this void and let this fear haunt me no more.
Will you pray with me?