Here we go again

Those of you who have been around me long enough, are probably starting to see my patterns as well as I do.  I have a tendency to get excited about something, and then when it gets hard I decide to step away.

Yesterday, I was running headlong, towards the cliff God is asking me to jump off.  Last night, I sat down on the edge and stare into that dark chasm, unable to move. 

The darkness mocked me as fear and insecurities echoed off its walls. 

Hopelessness and despair overtook me as the canvas in the corner mocked me.

Then I chimed in with a serving of guilt, “how can I wallow in my pity and fear, when women and girls around the world are begging for hope.”

This morning Oswald Chamber’s words pierced my soul. “The agony we suffer is only the result of the deliberate shallowness of our own heart. We won’t believe; we won’t let go by severing the line that secures the boat to the shore— we prefer to worry.” (read the rest Here)

Why can’t I just jump?

What keeps you from jumping off that cliff?

Walking off the cliff

On Saturday, Shane Claiborne said something that is still echoing in my heart. 

People tend to respond to injustice by saying "If God is so good why doesn't He do something about it." 

"He did, He made you" Shane responded

Since then, I can feel myself running headlong into the dark, trying to keep up with Jesus. 

Unfinished paintings haunt my dreams. 

Stories beg to be told.

I have a passion to use my gifts and improve them for His glory.

Over the weekend, I met artists who are using their craft to fight the tragedies...

I feel useless, but that is what gives me power.

Self confidence wains, but I KNOW that God will make it happen.

So I cling to two truths:

I am useless, without the Spirit of God

And I can only take one step at a time.

One Thread

Most days, when my eyes open up enough to see the horrors of this world, I quickly avert my eyes.  The anger and hopelessness wells up inside of me and I stuff it down.  I choose to eat and ignore the cry of my heart to help the enslaved, the orphaned and the widowed.  But I am trying to change.  I am asking God to help me with the emotions instead of trying to eat them away. 

And He answered.

My heart cried at the autocracies that afflict His people.  I voiced my despair and hopelessness and that I was just one voice...

As I let these emotions out I realized that God is calling all of us to do our small part.  The evils that are ever present in this world are too big for any of us to deal with.  But not for the people of God to rise up together and do our small part.  It doesn't matter what your passion is, it helps to battle against slavery.

If you have a heart for Orphans in Africa and you sponsor a child, that is one more family that can keep from selling a child just to feed the other 8.

If you minister to Satvanna in India; you are praying for, providing for, loving children who have been rescued from Brothels or even a life of forced labor.

Maybe your heart is for the homeless.  As you take the time to let them know they are seen you may be speaking to a child who has been trafficked.

Or maybe it is your voice could that keeps that young girl from reaching out to strangers on the internet, or wondering off with the cute guy on the bus.

The most encouraging thing I walked away from the Justice Conference with was this reality.  Love is a thread and we all have one that needs to be woven into the fabric of Justice.

Do you struggle with self-doubt like I do?  Is God asking you to look and it seems too overwhelming?  Join me in this battle and we WILL win.

Echo, Echo, Echo

Overwhelmed

Burdened

Panicked

Hopeless

Terrified

Disgusted

Heartbroken

Fearful

Oh did I mention, overwhelmed

As I ponder human trafficking, and my role in the battle, these words torment my soul.

"one minute, two children"

“Lord what can I possibly do?”

Use your voice…Write

 
“Write what?”  I plead

An echo, laced in fear and terror, resonates through my tortured heart.

One minute, two children.