For years I have struggled with loneliness. A deep ache that I constantly carried around inside me, an emptiness that I though another person could feel. I can praise the Lord and say that I no longer feel THAT loneliness. It is a different kind of lonely that I am experiencing now.
I have a hard time saying that I am lonely, but in reality I am. Either that or just bored I cant figure out which. But for the first time in my life I long for an imperfect man, who won’t complete me but I hope will compliment me. I long for a companion that I can walk this journey with. I think the hardest thing about being single is the hope of that relationship. If only God would take that desire away, I could fully enjoy this time in my life. Or would I really? I always like to blame something for why I don’t step out in things I enjoy. But the truth of the matter is I am scared.
I am scared of success, I am scared of God doing AMAZING things through me! I long for these things yet I am scared of them. Just as I long for a companion but I am scared of the pain that comes with an imperfect relationship. At least where I am now I can pretend that someday my life will be amazing(there I am wallowing in that good again). However, as I dream of the future, a new day dawns. If I don’t crawl out of the pig sty soon and quite wallowing in good, the mud may dry and I will be stuck here forever!