Saturday, October 8, 2011

Moving on.

One word, one choice, one sentence.

Sometimes that is all it takes.  “Stop living in the pain, and learn to live in My joy”.  As I woke this morning, God whispered these words to my soul.

Lets go backwards a little.  Yesterday, my counselor said I was living as a victim.  Instead she said I need to learn to be a survivor.  No longer surviving, and no longer living in pain.  That one statement closed the door on my past. 

It is still there and I am sure there is more to process.  But it does not define me.   Instead, my one true Father, Savior and His guiding Spirit are what defines me.

Today is a new day.

Monday, October 3, 2011

That wall

I know there is something wrong.

It eats at me day and night. 

I try to write and nothing comes out.

I look at my book and look on past.

I look at each emotion…

Am I angry? I was but I think we worked through that.

Am I sad? Nope, we slogged through that mess as well.

Am I happy? For the most part, I guess.

Do I have joy? When I think of Him I do.

I just am, nothing can explain it and only He can help it. I think about meeting with Him and feel I have nothing to say. 

Well nothing of value anyway.

What good are the prayers of a broken woman.  A girl, who has no clue what her age is because her emotions still haven’t caught up with her body. 

How can He really love me…

Awww, so that is what is eating at me…