Ever since my last blog, I have had this weight on me that I could not explain. I thought it was just the final remembrance of the horrors that I saw as a police officer. But as usual God had another reason. This morning as I went to get my second cup of coffee I was talking to God and asking Him why this was weighing so heavy on me and he finally revealed it. My sin in those years was not just my sexual immorality, my drunkenness or even my apathy. It was the fact that I was in a place to do something and I did nothing.
The parents I could have helped to be better parents, the children I could have helped to have better lives, the neighborhoods I could have worked with to strengthen. But instead I spent countless hours driving around waiting to be called instead of charging forward as a warrior should do!
There are so many men and women that I worked with that I truly admire their courage and bravery to continue to chase down the dark forces of this world. To work tirelessly to stop them before it happens again. Don’t get me wrong, I did my job, I put people in jail, I even got a couple drug busts. But, I was there for the money. Just a job to make the ends meet and support my habits. So I put this out there for the world to see, that I am asking for forgiveness.
I not only ask God for forgiveness but those I served and those I served with. I could have been more and I could have helped you to be more. For that I am truly sorry and I pray that with God’s help I have the courage and bravery to to chase down the dark forces of this world on a separate battle field. One that is fought primarily on my knees and through my hands being the hands of Christ. My life can not be for naught and I refuse to walk quietly to the grave. Instead I want to slide into heaven, battered bruised and worn shouting praise God that was one hell of a ride!!