He is the God who saves

How can a girl stand in a room full of people who love her and feel utterly alone.  How can a girl feel as if she is torn in two between who she wants to be and who she is on a daily basis.  How can goals be so close yet so far out of reach.  The solution is so simple right in front of me, but is totally and completely unattainable.  All I can do is fall at the foot of the cross and cry out His name.  I know He is there, I can feel Him all around but these emotions are destroying me from the inside out.  a continual roller-coaster that never stops.  Why try when you know tomorrow will just be the same.  Why even get up or go on when there is no end in sight, no foreseeable change?  How can one day be so full of joy and the next I can’t even get out of bed?  When did this depression seep into my bones, why now, is it just the weather, or is there more going on?  Is there a spiritual battle here that I am missing, is satan using my goals to drag me down from my potential. 

I once took this personality test that told me I have this awesome ability to see the potential people have.  However, it means I am often let down because they do not grasp for that potential out of fear or just life.  So this also means, I look in the mirror daily and see the potential that I COULD be, and I am devastated by the reality of who I am.  There are so many goals I have for my life, things I want to do, and I am weighed down by these chains.  The chain of I don’t want to firmly wraps itself around my legs.  The chain of uncontrollable emotions wraps around my waist and shackles me hands and feet.  And the chain of debt is choking off my last gasp for air and I am tired of fighting.  God I give, I am helpless to win this battle and I need your intervention.  I trust that you are the God that can move mountains and you can free me from the ever-present weight of these chains.  All I can do is lay here, I can do no other.