My thorn

A friend of mine posted this question on Facebook today and it really hit the nail on the head of what I have been struggling with. 

“How does one conquer their fear and near resentment of success; as well as stop sabotaging themselves?”

Wow, how do you do that, when your whole life you have done this.  I truly do fear success, and not just in my career, or financially but in any form.  If I didn’t have to continually fight my own self-sabotage, I would be a size two by now!!  But seriously her question led to one of my own.

Is low self-esteem, i.e. self-sabotage a sin.  I am in fact degrading what the heavenly Father has created and brought into being.  I am saying that He is big enough to make me whole and I fall back into my old patterns of self-medication with food and purchases.

So if I acknowledge it is a sin, and I release it to the Father to heal why does it seem to always come back.  It is like the thorn in my flesh.  I had to apologize to someone today because on Monday they were complimenting me on my weight loss and I wasn’t very nice about it.  My excuse, I was having a bad day and I didn’t feel good.  So, it doesn’t mean that I didn’t accomplish loosing almost 30 lbs.  But I don’t feel like I accomplished anything.  It is quite sad really, I am watching the weight creep on lb by lb and I feel powerless to stop it!  But, I’m not, so why does that voice always end!

HELP ME!!!