Those of you who have been around me long enough, are probably starting to see my patterns as well as I do. I have a tendency to get excited about something, and then when it gets hard I decide to step away.
Yesterday, I was running headlong, towards the cliff God is asking me to jump off. Last night, I sat down on the edge and stare into that dark chasm, unable to move.
The darkness mocked me as fear and insecurities echoed off its walls.
Hopelessness and despair overtook me as the canvas in the corner mocked me.
Then I chimed in with a serving of guilt, “how can I wallow in my pity and fear, when women and girls around the world are begging for hope.”
This morning Oswald Chamber’s words pierced my soul. “The agony we suffer is only the result of the deliberate shallowness of our own heart. We won’t believe; we won’t let go by severing the line that secures the boat to the shore— we prefer to worry.” (read the rest Here)
Why can’t I just jump?
What keeps you from jumping off that cliff?
Because you keep thinking about it as jumping off a cliff. Obviously ... in your head that equates something close to death, ie: the reason why you haven't jumped. Instead of focusing on running full speed ahead and jumping head long off a cliff why not envision yourself walking towards a new dream. And instead of details think destination. Like a city or a forest or ocean or something you enjoy looking forward to. And don't think of yourself needing to get there tomorrow. Because that's not how God asks us to live. Every morning we wake up and ask for just in enough to serve Him that day and wisdom enough to keep moving in His direction every day. Pray for the wisdom to walk through each door He offers and the courage to do so when it's there. If the door isn't there then how can you force yourself to walk through it? And stop trying to fill up your courage/wisdom tank enough to last some long extended amount of time. AND please allow yourself a little grace. You are moving forward ... and if you have to stop and catch your breath every once a while at least it's not a lifetime of just surviving. Which I don't think you'll ever do... you're not programed to survive anymore. :) You've already showed yourself that. AND do please celebrate the simple fact that you have the desire to move forward and celebrate the fact that you have a heart that bleeds for the things that God's heart bleeds for. Those are big things.
ReplyDeleteOH and p.s. this side of heaven your ache will NEVER go away. That's the crappy thing sin did ... and the crappy thing our society does is tell us we're entitled to feel WONDERFUL all the time about everything. The ache is there to remind us this isn't our home.
ReplyDeleteI love you friend! Thank you for your words of truth!
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