Why oh Why

I have just been down lately.  No particular reason, but lots of little reasons and niches for Satan to move into.  I am leaving a position that has consumed me for the past year and a half and has become my  heart.  I don’t know who I am outside of this house, what I like to do when not consumed by drama.  I may just sit and stare at the walls for weeks unaware and unable to move.  I am afraid I wont take advantage of the time God is giving me to grow closer to Him and just enjoy life for a while.  I sit in the waiting room watching the TV play its endless real hoping that who ever has the remote would just pick a channel.  Just one thought one direction would be nice.  Or would it. 

Then there is the issue of friendships between men and women.  One wrong word and it all dissolves and I seem to have lost the counsel of a good friend.  Why can you not express to someone how special they are without them taking it the wrong way, did he take it the wrong way or am I just being silly.  Who knows, communication has come to a standstill.  Truth be told I had a small crush on this man, but his friendship and the way he looks at things means more to me than a simple attraction.  If only we could just be upfront about it.  You don’t like me that way, cool, I still value your friendship, and seek the Godly counsel that you bring into my life.

Then there is all the chaos around me, new house parents, new girls, new rules, unbelievably dirty kitchen.  No wonder I am emotionally shut down.  What drives me the most insane about myself is the way I deal with it.  Instead of sitting down and writing or talking to God, I eat a bag full of cookies, or a bag of popcorn.  There is not food in particular that I crave, just not healthy and lots of it.  Then I feel disgusting for days as the work outs I put in do know good cause I sabotage myself at home.  But I refuse to give, I refuse to become a victim to my emotions.  So I will turn to God and beg of Him to remove this old pattern and replace it with new.  Help me to process these STUPID emotions He gave me and not eat my way into oblivion!

On a completely different note, here is a picture of the new house mom Cindy and my new friend Penny!

Penny is one of the highlights of my day!  It is so much fun having a dog in the house again!