The old is gone!

I think it is about time for me to let this anger go, completely and fully.  So starting today I am praying for the salvation of my dad.  What is that you say?  Big deal? BIG DEAL?!?  Yes this is a very big deal!  A few days ago, I would have preferred he rot in Hell.  But the Grace of God has been at work in my heart as well as the words of my counselor.  A week ago my counselor mentioned that she didn’t think my dad had ever learned the skills to love me the way that I needed.  So in a way he did the best he could.

This is a hard statement for me to swallow.  Part of me wants to be angry at this, but I have chosen the way of Grace instead.  It is weird to see my dad in this light since I have fed off this anger for so long.  However, as I release this anger my heart begins to ache to see my dad free of his pain. 

Each step I have taken on my spiritual journey with God, has been to remove a scar associated with my relationship with my dad.  What an important responsibility a father has towards his daughter.  He is charged with protecting her, guiding her and teaching her how to be a woman of God.  And most importantly he is her model for what her relationship with her heavenly father should be.  (Wow, what a responsibility...so glad I’m a woman!!)  Most often though the fathers are just men and despite how much they love their daughters they are still sinful creatures.

So what are we to do?  Who is to be that model for us?  In the past I chose any many who would give me momentary acceptance or love.  The new me though, who has been bathed in the love and mercy of Christ, feels content as I am.  The change is my relationship with my heavenly father.  Because I fully trust Him and can see myself as He see me I no longer ‘need’ someone to tell me who I am.   I know who I am and I am fully confident in Him.  I also trust that some day God will introduce to me that man who will encourage me, love me, and push me to become more than I am now.

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!” 2 Cor 5:17