If you were to ask me, I would tell you that God is my life. He is the very air that fills my lungs, the water that quenches my thirst and the bread that nourishes my soul. Yet I am torn in two, gasping for air, dying from dehydration and starvation.
This move to the south has ripped me apart leaving me feeling hollow and empty. On one side I rejoice in the provision God has given me. On the other I rot from un-confessed sin.
My God helped me to move across country with no job for the second time in my life. He provided for me quickly and abundantly with work and a church home. He blessed me with a wonderful roommate, who loves the Lord and encourages me to walk closer to Him. But my other side sings an different tune.
I grumble because my job bores me. I seethe with envy for the relationships my friends have with their families. I am jealous over the clothes people wear, the phones they use, the money they make. And I ache at the family God has yet to bless me with.
So today I am here today to confess. My heart is black and decaying, rotting from envy and jealousy. I have turned my back on my one true love. And I have sought love and acceptance from the world around me.
But in this confession I find His rest, peace that I am still His. Comfort that he will never abandon me, and joy in the plans He has for me. So with outstretched hands I beg Him to change me because without Him I truly fall apart.
“Lord, I come, I confess
Bowing here I find my rest
Without You I fall apart
You're the One that guides my heart
Lord, I need You, oh, I need You
Every hour I need You
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You
Where sin runs deep Your grace is more
Where grace is found is where You are
And where You are, Lord, I am free
Holiness is Christ in me
Teach my song to rise to You
When temptation comes my way
And when I cannot stand I'll fall on You
Jesus, You're my hope and stay
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You”
Lord, I need you by Matt Maher
Hugs :)
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