Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Joy through the pain

If you have been around here long enough, you know that I spend more time writing about the struggles of my life then I do about the good days. I noticed that too! So I have began to ask God to show me the joy even when I don't feel like seeing it. Most of my life I have had severe allergies and headaches. Each day I wake up with a headache and stuffy head. (For me it is normal to have pressure in your face). Since I arrived In Tennessee though, these headaches have gotten worse. They always get worse when a thunderstorm approaches so I expected this to happen before I moved here. But, I didn't count on the additional allergy and asthma problems I have here. The headaches are horrendous. My typical plan of action is to run to doctors for healing, instead of running to God. This time I have reached the end of my rope so I decided to approach it differently. I asked God to heal my head and my lungs. Slowly, and through doctors, He is answering that prayer. (His timing is always so slow to me!!). A week ago, I met with a new allergist. He took some blood, scheduled an appointment for two weeks and sent me on my way. I left the appointment with no answers but I did have a rekindled hope that God is working His miracle. But, I have at least two months to wait for relief. Saturday I woke up with one of those debilitating headaches. The kind that drains you, feels like someone is trying to pry their way out of your head and you ache all over. Then the real headache started. It felt like someone was stabbing a knife into my brain. (Probably the same little man that is always trying to pry his way out!) I was done. My day was miserable, but I accomplished a few things and even spent time with a friend. That night I lay in bed defeated. The next morning brought the same, so I resolved to go about my day. However, things began to turn around. The headache dissipated, the pressure vanished and even my breathing was a little easier. I went to church and came home amazed that it was still gone. I ate lunch and then stood staring out our patio door wondering if it would stay all day this way. Just then a beautiful humming bird paused and hovered at the door. As he hovered, for more than a minute, I felt he was staring into my soul. In that moment I felt God whisper, “So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.” (Matthew 10:31) For the rest of the day, until late into the evening, I was a bundle of energy and free of pain. I got a lot accomplished! As I ate supper, I began to feel the headache creep back in. Normally when this happens I just get frustrated and angry. But that evening, I looked at my roommate and said I am so grateful for the reprieve God gave me today. And I was and I still am. But it could be months before I find real relief, and there is no promise that taking care of the allergies will cure the headaches. I want to be angry and frustrated, but instead I am choosing to hold onto the promise he gave me. I will not be afraid because I am worth more to him than that hummingbird that he so beautifully made. So in the midst of this trial I will cling to His joy and trust His timing.

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