They say that part of being forgiven for your sins is confession, first to God then to others. I have a sin that for a long time I have confessed to God, poured my heart out and tried really hard to change. And the consequences just get worse, and I am now at a point that I am beyond drowning in my debt. I have drowned and my only hope of survival is to cry out for help, swallow my pride and confess that I am a sinner.
Money is my God, it makes me feel safe, brings me comfort, happiness and peace. It helps me to avoid all my other issues, like my emotional eating, and desire for approval. I feel happy when it is near and I panic when it disappears. I use it to make myself feel prettier, I try to buy peoples love with it (the silly thing is I don’t have to). It makes me feel whole and complete and if I just had enough of it everything would be ok. I wouldn’t long for a mate to hold me (I could just buy one right), I would have plenty of time to work out and be skinny, I could go wherever I wanted whenever I wanted and see all the people I love and miss.
But that is why God said you shall have no other god before Me. Because no ‘god’ can fill that need or craving that we are trying to shove it in. The truth is my worship of this god has brought me to this point. I am unable to pay all my bills. I am seeking help and almost to the point of bankruptcy. How did I get here, by years of living above my needs, until God brought me to a realization of what I was doing. And then it was too late. He wants to strip me of my perfect credit score, my reliance on the $$ and bring me to a place where I have no choice but to rely on Him.
I am there, I threw my hands up this week and I made the call. We will see what He does with it and how it goes from here. But I must lean into Him and trust that I will have consequences for my sin, but I am forgiven and I am a new creation in Christ. Therefore, this sin, as any other sin, can be overcome.
one of the things i held onto for so long in my first marriage were the protection of my girls and my financial security. i told God He could have everything but those. then one day, i finally broke and gave it all to God - whatever it would take to save my husband.
ReplyDeletethen i went thru divorce which is still devestating to my girls ... and through different things, i have been financially destroyed. i learned it's only money ... only a man-made credit score. it holds no security.
God could have protected my girls from divorce, but He didn't - he allowed my ex to make his choices ... and to continue to make choices that directly caused my financial destruction. then ... another series of events, and my faith was crushed and my hope destroyed. i was nothing, had nothing, stripped of everything.
amazing ... slowly, God is rebuilding and restoring me. i can take no credit cause there's nothing left of me to be able to do anything at all. it's a very, very slow process. probably won't be complete till heaven. but it's truly nothing about me and everything about God.
one of the amazing ways He's loving me through these times is through my new husband - who met me at the darkest hour of my life, stripped of everything, void of faith and hope, and he loved me where i was. this has taught me more about the love of God than anything else i've ever experienced, ever.
you're doing good aray :)
love you girl!
Ann (H.S.)
Ann,
ReplyDeleteThank you for your words of encouragement, they mean a lot! I am actually doing better and I have fully released it to God. And as He always does He is taking care of it. Just in His timing not mine!!
Love Ya
A