Life

Why does life have to be so hard?  Today was a horrible rotten no good day.  As always I was cruising through life going through my daily routine when I heard the news that there had been a shooting at Ft. Hood in Texas.  I fell apart and felt so helpless to do anything.  One of my dearest cousins is stationed at Ft. Hood, and I was soon to find out he had been in the same building as the shooting.  Thankfully as I write this he is home with his wife and children, safe and unharmed. 

Then, as I made it to the safety of my home the world crumbled some more.  I wont go into the details of this one but I ended the day crying uncontrollably on my knees before God.  Angry at Him that bad things happen, that there is pain in this world and that I have to watch as those I love are harmed.  Then as I talked to one of the girls, imparting my vast knowledge (can you hear the sarcasm…I hope so), that you can’t control other people’s decisions, a lead weight fell on my heart.  The reality of my anger, my fear, my sadness and my anxiety, is that I have no control over the decisions others make.  I cant make people choose the right decision, I cant force them to see what I see.  In reality all I can do is pray, I say that like its my last option because most times it is my last option.  But we are only as strong as our link to God.  And mine lately hasn't been very strong.  I have a tendency to rely on my own strength and knowledge to try and solve the problems.  I don't draw into His strength and His power that He has available for me.  Instead, I rely on my own strength until I am too tired to stand and I am forced to my knees in complete submission begging Him to help me.  And I always hear Him whisper “I was here all along”.